I lived like a broke ass the past couple weeks.  It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t good.  I purposely didn’t leave the house because every time I would, I would spend $50.  Gas, food, etc etc.  It all adds up and you don’t even realize it until you have no income.  Or your genius income source runs dry.

I had a spare PC laying around my computer room, so I decided to get an RGB cable and hook it to my 46" LCD and grind on it for a while.  From that point forward, things started to look up.  I started out by grinding some SnG’s to get used to using the TV as a monitor.  I really like grinding SnG’s for some reason, but I can’t put in the volume to make that a feasible option for making money.  My limit is probably 14 tables.  I’ve played as high as 20, but things get a little too fast for me and I start missing good shove spots or not paying attention to my stack size compared to the blinds.

I got an offer from a fellow 2+2′er for a stake/coaching session.  This was going to be the only way I could keep playing and still pay my bills this month because bills were going to decimate the bankroll.  Then it happened.  Someone turned on the heater.  A nice $3000 week at just the right time.

I worked hard for that heater.   So hard that I deserve for the heater to extend throughout the remainder of the year.  I revamped my game, posted hands in forums, watched training videos, scrutinized my own play.  I fought, clawed, and scraped my way into keeping my bills paid and keeping myself in business for another month.  I feel good about my game right now.

I feel good about life too.  I still have to live like a hobo for just a couple more days until my withdrawal hits my account, but I’m feeling good about life in general.  I feel like grinding.  I’m shooting for 75,000 hands this coming month.  That’s 3,000 hands/day for 25 of 30 days.  I played and ran so bad in May, that I didn’t want to grind anymore.  It literally turned my stomach because I KNEW I was going to lose money.  I had a hard time getting out of that mind set.  I quit treating poker like a job and just lost focus.  Tilt?  This month it’s my job to play.  Keep to the schedule bitch!

News on Spencer is looking better every day. Thanks for all of the support and I’m sure the family thanks you as well.

It’s been a few days since I’ve posted here and again I’m in the midst of a downswing. In fact, it’s a downswing at the end of a 60K hand breakeven stretch. Talk about soul breaking. I’ve lost all confidence in my game. I’m sure a lot of it is variance, but there’s just no way to get kicked in the nuts like this every single day for a good month and still play your A game. The good news is that it has forced me to work on my game even more. The bad news, I’ve had to drop down 2 levels in stakes and the bankroll is at red alert levels. Not good.

I’m not sure what I’m going to do. I’m going to try to get at least 3K hands in each day for the remainder of the month. That’s 40K hands so hopefully I can turn things around and salvage the month. I’ve had a few bites on being staked in some games with a mentor/coaching/staking agreement. Nothing is final or even close to any such agreement. Ultimately, I’d love to get a mentor/stake for $1/2NL. I feel I can beat the game over the long run as is and with some coaching, I feel I could crush it. If anyone out there is interested in doing a stake/mentor/coach agreement, hit me up on the email or Twitter. On a similar note, if you are a 2+2 member and wouldn’t mind being a reference for me in my search of a stake would u mind hitting me up on email or Twitter?

Man, it has been an emotional roller coaster this past week. I can’t imagine how my friends Jim and Les feel. I know I’ve cried until there are no more tears. It seems like one day, you get encouraging news, the next he’s taken a turn for the worse. Yesterday was a good day it. I got a text early in the morning saying his stats were looking good and the swelling seemed to be going down. Then all of the sudden today, his O2 stats were down and he has blood clots on his lungs causing that problem. They can’t treat the blood clots with blood thinners because of the bleeding he already has due the the ITP. All we can do right now is just hope and keep positive. This little guy is a fighter.

I do a lot of bitching and complaining in this blog. I run bad, life sucks, blah blah fucking blah. The past few days though, life has been put in perspective for me big time.

I don’t have any kids and probably never will. My best friends have a 1 1/2 year old kid that I pretty much think of as my own. He’s my nephew even though we aren’t related. This little guy has been through so much in his life. He had a heart problem from birth which requires 3 surgeries. He had successfully went through 2 of them and is scheduled for the 3rd around the time he is 2.5 years old.

The little guy just began walking and is always smiles. One look at this dude will brighten your day. This week however, he contracted a virus which caused ITP. ITP is a condition which attacks the platelets in the blood which cause the blood to clot. Normally this isn’t too big a deal. However, the day he was supposed to be discharged, Spencer because unreponsive. He had an aneurism.

The little guy had to have 3 operations in the course of a week. They removed his spleen, opened his skull to relieve the pressure, and also removed part of the frontal lobe on his brain. He remained a trooper through these high risk surgeries. The family was told he probably wouldn’t make it through the first surgery…but this kid’s will to live is impeccable.

Spencer was stabilized after his round of surgeries, but he had to be sedated to keep the swelling down in his brain. We all thought he made it through everything in good shape. There was a big time sense of relief yesterday when his CT scan came back clean and everything seemed stable.

However, over the course of today, he took a turn for the worse. The swelling got worse and they had to remove the front plate of his skull to allow room for the swelling. Also they found areas of a stroke. The news is very bad right now.

I did get a call a bit ago saying he made it through his surgery, however he is still very critical at this time. I feel so bad for him and his family. This family has been through so much the past 2-3 years. I haven’t cried like this since probably the time my grandpa died. This kid doesn’t deserve this. This family doesn’t deserve this.

This whole ordeal has really made me realize that when life is not going so great, I really need to step back and think about what other people are going through.

Anyway’s, I just needed an outlet. I’m very sad right now and very angry. I’m not sure why the hostility, but it’s an anger that I can’t direct towards anyone. I feel helpless. But I’m being optimistic! Everyone send baby Spencer some good vibes.

My streak of posting any good news and then something bad happening continues. Remember my life suckout from yesterday? I woke up this morning ready to program my new key to the car. Of course the fucking thing didn’t work. The new key won’t even turn the ignition to begin programming. It won’t work on the locks or anything. So back to the dealership I go to get a new key cut. They double checked everything and the new key came out exactly the same. So, I came back to try the new one out. No luck.

According to the dealership, someone has had to have changed the locks on this car once before. All they have is the info for the original key at the dealership. I bought the car used, so I have no clue if this is correct info or not. The only thing I know is that I’m so motherfucking aggravated right now. My options now are to 1.) Have the ignition and all the locks changed again or 2.) there is no other option that I know of… FML.

One time!

So I’ve been pissed off about this whole missing car keys situation. I bit the bullet and hit the dealership today. The intention was to buy an unprogrammed key and then get the locksmith to program the car to the new key. At the dealership, I immediately recognized Rick, a fellow bowler. We went through the whole ordeal of me proving the car was mine which consisted of multiple calls to the bank. When I told Rick about getting the locksmith to program the key or car or whatever, he said they had a sheet of instructions where I could do it myself. ONE TIME!

The instructions consist of 11 steps and it will take 45 minutes, but it will save me a good $100-150. One time!

Teaser Mac screenshots of Pokertracker have surfaced around the net. I’m so stoked about this. Also, I had mentioned a project that was poker related that I was working on myself. Basically I was doing my own version of PokerTracker for the Mac. Luckily I didn’t spend an overhwelming amount of time on it and was just in the inital stages of design. Oh well, on to a new idea.

It’s been a Monday today that’s for sure.

I lost my car keys. The only set I had. Now I have to get the car towed to the dealership and pay and ungodly amount of money for a stupid key.

I now have a cold (or a touch of the swine flu, still yet to be determined) as soon as the weather hits 80 degrees outside.

I’ve been getting into playing the guitar again and I’m bored this evening wanting to bang on the guitar. I can’t find my only guitar pick.

The good news is that I ran well on the tables today and had a HUGE day. But I kept playing and turned the HUGE day into just a DECENT WIN after I donked off a few buyins.

I’ve been putting in some serious hours the past week and plan to do so again this week (with some changes). Barring a nice (and well deserved) heater this week, I’m going to come up short this month as far as covering my expenses. No cause for panic just yet because I covered it last month and had a great February as well. Unfortunately, man plan was to also move up in stakes this month. This will have to get put on hiatus for a while.

Due to the way I’ve been running, the days leading up to last week were not filled with a bunch of grinding. I would get so tilted at the way I was running and then just start playing bad which led to me just turning off the computer before I stuck my fist through something expensive.

May is going to be an important month for me as far as poker goes. It will determine my future in playing this game. If I continue to run bad which in turn leads to playing bad, then I’ll dust off the resume and get my butt to work. My goal for the month is still going to be 75K hands. Even running at the rate I’m running now, that would allow me to cover my expenses, plus give me a nice chunk of rakeback to add to the bankroll.

Rakeback is going to be the key in me allowing my bankroll to grow while I’m still grinding the SSNL games. At the stakes I’m playing, it will take some serious run-gooding to inflate the roll enough to move up in stakes AND cover my expenses. So rakeback allows for that to happen in the background.

—-

As for changes, last week was rough on me health wise. I didn’t get enough exercise. I didn’t eat all that well. I spent over 40 hours playing poker and several other hours watching such things as season 4 of Rescue Me. I was a total degen all week. Normally that would be normal for me, but I got this whole weight loss thing going on and a promise to myself that this whole not having a job thing would give me an excuse to be even healthier. Anyway, I think my week long gambling bender has resulted in me getting sick. I’m feeling about 80% right now and have that tickle in my throat that’s warning me that a cold is coming on. I’m just hoping it’s not that Swine flu I hear everyone on Twitter talking about. I haven’t eaten any pig lately, so I should be all good there.

So I still plan on attacking the tables for another 40 hours to finish up April and slip into May. However, I’m going to do it with more structure. I have a grocery list for tomorrow, along with a list of couple chores that need to be done. So first thing in the morning I’m hitting the gym, the dump, the bank, and then the grocery store. THEN I will start to grind. I will hit the gym 4 days this week and make up for my shitty week last week.

And with that, I leave you with some FML hands from this past week:

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HAND 1
——————–

$0.25/$0.50 No Limit Hold’em Cash Game, 5 Players
Poker Tools by Stoxpoker - Hand Details

SB: 102 bb
Hero (BB): 221.4 bb
MP: 22.6 bb
CO: 176.9 bb
BTN: 48.2 bb

Pre-Flop: Hero is BB with T T
MP calls 1 bb, CO raises to 4.5 bb, BTN folds, SB raises to 15 bb, Hero calls 14 bb, 2 folds

Flop: (35.5 bb) 8 T 2 (2 players)
SB bets 35.5 bb, Hero raises to 206.4 bb and is all-in, SB calls 51.5 bb and is all-in

Turn: (209.5 bb) Q (2 players, 2 are all-in)
River: (209.5 bb) J (2 players, 2 are all-in)

Results: 209.5 bb pot (6 bb rake)
SB showed J J (three of a kind, Jacks) and won 203.5 bb (101.5 bb net)
Hero showed T T (three of a kind, Tens) and lost (-102 bb net)

——————–
HAND 2
——————–

$0.25/$0.50 No Limit Hold’em Cash Game, 6 Players
Poker Tools by Stoxpoker - Hand Details

BTN: 195.6 bb
Hero (SB): 111.8 bb
BB: 18.5 bb
UTG: 146 bb
MP: 100 bb
CO: 257 bb

Pre-Flop: Hero is SB with A A
2 folds, CO raises to 3 bb, BTN folds, Hero raises to 12 bb, BB folds, CO raises to 34 bb, Hero raises to 111.8 bb and is all-in, CO calls 77.8 bb

Flop: (224.6 bb) T Q J (2 players, 1 is all-in)
Turn: (224.6 bb) 9 (2 players, 1 is all-in)
River: (224.6 bb) 2 (2 players, 1 is all-in)

Results: 224.6 bb pot (6 bb rake)
Hero showed A A (a pair of Aces) and lost (-111.8 bb net)
CO showed A K (a straight, Ten to Ace) and won 218.6 bb (106.8 bb net)

——————–
HAND 3
——————–

$0.25/$0.50 No Limit Hold’em Cash Game, 6 Players
Poker Tools by Stoxpoker - Hand Details

MP: 136.6 bb
Hero (CO): 100 bb
BTN: 130.1 bb
SB: 130 bb
BB: 100 bb
UTG: 100 bb

Pre-Flop: Hero is CO with K K
2 folds, Hero raises to 3 bb, BTN folds, SB raises to 11 bb, BB folds, Hero raises to 34 bb, SB raises to 101 bb, Hero calls 66 bb and is all-in

Flop: (201 bb) J 8 9 (2 players, 1 is all-in)
Turn: (201 bb) 5 (2 players, 1 is all-in)
River: (201 bb) T (2 players, 1 is all-in)

Results: 201 bb pot (6 bb rake)
Hero showed K K (a pair of Kings) and lost (-100 bb net)
SB showed Q Q (a straight, Eight to Queen) and won 195 bb (95 bb net)

——————–
HAND 4
——————–

$0.25/$0.50 No Limit Hold’em Cash Game, 5 Players
Poker Tools by Stoxpoker - Hand Details

CO: 196.9 bb
BTN: 152.6 bb
SB: 163.5 bb
Hero (BB): 109.2 bb
MP: 220.7 bb

Pre-Flop: Hero is BB with K K
3 folds, SB raises to 2 bb, Hero raises to 9 bb, SB raises to 24 bb, Hero raises to 74 bb, SB raises to 124 bb, Hero calls 35.2 bb and is all-in

Flop: (218.4 bb) 5 4 8 (2 players, 1 is all-in)
Turn: (218.4 bb) 2 (2 players, 1 is all-in)
River: (218.4 bb) J (2 players, 1 is all-in)

Results: 218.4 bb pot (4 bb rake)
SB showed A A (a pair of Aces) and won 214.4 bb (105.2 bb net)
Hero showed K K (a pair of Kings) and lost (-109.2 bb net)

——————–
HAND 5
——————–

No Limit Hold’em Cash Game, 6 Players
Poker Tools by Stoxpoker - Hand Details

MP: 402 bb
CO: 75.5 bb
BTN: 107.7 bb
SB: 112.1 bb
BB: 89 bb
Hero (UTG): 100 bb

Pre-Flop: Hero is UTG with K K
Hero raises to 3 bb, MP folds, CO raises to 10.5 bb, 3 folds, Hero raises to 36 bb, CO calls 25.5 bb

Flop: (73.5 bb) 8 4 Q (2 players)
Hero bets 64 bb and is all-in, CO calls 39.5 bb and is all-in

Turn: (152.5 bb) 8 (2 players, 2 are all-in)
River: (152.5 bb) 7 (2 players, 2 are all-in)

Results: 152.5 bb pot (6 bb rake)
CO showed A A (two pairs, Aces and Eights) and won 146.5 bb (71 bb net)
Hero showed K K (two pairs, Kings and Eights) and lost (-75.5 bb net)

——————–
HAND 6
——————–

No Limit Hold’em Cash Game, 6 Players
Poker Tools by Stoxpoker - Hand Details

CO: 100 bb
BTN: 105 bb
SB: 126.5 bb
BB: 132 bb
UTG: 101.7 bb
Hero (MP): 144 bb

Pre-Flop: Hero is MP with K K
UTG folds, Hero raises to 3 bb, CO raises to 11.5 bb, 3 folds, Hero raises to 36 bb, CO raises to 100 bb and is all-in, Hero calls 64 bb

Flop: (201.5 bb) 6 4 6 (2 players, 1 is all-in)
Turn: (201.5 bb) 2 (2 players, 1 is all-in)
River: (201.5 bb) T (2 players, 1 is all-in)

Results: 201.5 bb pot (6 bb rake)
CO showed A A (two pairs, Aces and Sixes) and won 195.5 bb (95.5 bb net)
Hero showed K K (two pairs, Kings and Sixes) and lost (-100 bb net)

Standard, right? What if I told you these hands were all from the same day within a span of 300 hands, still standard? FML.